Something I've observed in myself over time is a small weakness or a repeating habit that I have. Quite often, I want to build something cool, something fun... something that might make a little bit of cash? However, there's a great blind spot that always seems to hold me back. I always end up in a rabbit hole chasing this blind spot.

Every now and again I find ideas either drying up or not seeming quite right to pursue. That or I do not feel strongly enough about them. This procrastination often ends up leading to a few feelings.

1. Anxiety - There's a certain anxiety that comes with this where it feels like I'm stuck in mud and I cannot express myself creatively.

2. Frustration - A slight bit of anger that I cannot pull all my skills together to express my thinking, thoughts and ideas succinctly.

3. FOMO - I hate this phrase, but I often feel I'm missing out by not creating something of value to both myself and other people.

So what can be done about it?

Well at the present moment I don't have the answer for that. This is something of a recurring pattern for me over the last few years, I guess if I had the answers I wouldn't be 'penning' this post. A suggestion my therapist once had was to try meditation more, but with my overactive mind it tends to be a problem to hone in on what exactly causes this blind spot.

When I find myself with ample time, the flow and push for those ideas are never there in the same intensity. Sometimes I also question my application here too. If you read my post on fitness and discipline, it's something as I grow older, I struggle with. It's such a contrast to the person I was to get myself out of one of the poorest areas in London, no prospects post-secondary school to some of the places I ended up working.

Again, as I'm in this transitional period in my life, I find myself questioning my application. It's almost as if the drive has been removed and I'm an imposter trying to regenerate it. The important thing I guess to remember throughout this period of down time is that I just need to keep showing up and trying. Even if my tries miss.

...well, only until it doesn't make sense anymore.

After being let go of a month or so ago, I wrote down every possible avenue and path I could go down. Right now, none of them feel right, but like I mentioned above the only thing I can keep doing in this time of uncertainty and creative blindness is the little things, until the flint that lights the spark starts a fire.

🤷‍♀️